The Path Forward After Everything Falls Apart
Note: While this is different from the typical content coming out of Roya, I’m writing this blog to share some of my reflections on what it means to move forward after you experience hardship in life. There is only one goal: if even one person reads this and finds that something resonates and feels less alone, then this piece has done what it needed to do
I was freshly 20 years old when my life fell apart for the first time.
I had recently walked away from a relationship - the kind that leaves you confused about what was real and what wasn’t - and I was slowly realizing that I had normalized chaos in every corner of my life. Everything became unfamiliar, making it extremely daunting to risk taking unstable steps forward in a world that no longer felt like mine. I felt like I could do little but stand and watch the tapestry of my life slowly unravel.
If I could speak to my old self, I’d tell her this:
The best part about life falling apart is that you get to rebuild stronger foundations from scratch. Everything you think you know about yourself and your world can shift: your identity, your relationships, your priorities, even the direction you thought your life was headed. Shifts are painful, especially when you feel you’re forced into them, but they give you the clarity to decide what truly belongs in your life and what no longer does. In this sense, you get to rebuild.
I’m genuinely happy with the person I am today, but getting here took time, work, and a lot of uncomfortable lessons. Growth isn’t easy - it asks you to be honest with yourself, to let go, to face parts of your life you’d rather avoid, but it’s the kind of work that reshapes you into someone stronger, steadier, and more aligned with the life you actually want.
When it comes to the path forward, the truth is there is no clearly defined path forward. However, you can’t let the fear of the unknown keep you frozen. Movement, however imperfect, is what carries you forward. Even if you do not know where you are, the universe around you does. Some things in life are tragic and unfair. If you have the privilege to do so, it's very important to take steps forward and trust the world around you. You won’t ever become the person you are meant to be while standing paralyzed by the past and fear.
Perhaps you take the wrong path forward. What I’ve learned is that the wrong path has a very special gift - it eliminates what is not meant for you. When you walk away from a path that no longer aligns with you, the world becomes bigger again. New possibilities open up. And even if you don’t yet know exactly what you want, you at least know what you don’t, and that clarity is its own kind of progress. It’s definitely better than standing still.
Personally, here are some tangible steps I took that helped me move forward:
Process. Reach out to professionals and trusted peers for support. That being said, be careful about who you share with, as you are probably in a vulnerable state.
Positive reappraisal. Make a list of bad things that have happened. In three months, look back at the list and write a good thing that came from each bad experience.
Rest. Your brain and body were in survival mode. Remind yourself to rest and recharge.
Be patient with your past self. Write a letter to yourself from the perspective of your current self, expressing understanding and forgiveness for the choices and mistakes your past self made.
I’m turning 22 in a few weeks, and I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on the experiences which have shaped my twenties so far, something which shaped the basis for this post. Sometimes, I look back and can’t believe it was actually me who lived through everything I did - that’s the quiet magic of life: you survive, you grow, and bit by bit, you carve a path forward. With effort, patience, and some luck, one day you’ll look back in awe at how far you’ve come and realize that, in its own strange way, it was all meant to be.
With love,
Anita M.
